Barn Burnt Down, Now I See The Moon

Mizuta Masahide, a seventeenth century Japanese Samurai poet, wrote the beautiful haiku poem that I have appropriated for today's entry title.

Large Old Sea Tortoise Shell

Thinking about the futility of attachment to permanence, when everything, according to Buddhist thinking, is Already Broken, has intrigued me in my quest for "acceptance". 

The Japanese will repair a damaged ceramic bowl with gold, increasing the preciousness of life in a powerful metaphoric expression. Everything will one day break, yet we hold on to things, to people, to houses, to the past, to suffering. The culture I was raised in strives for stability, ownership, permanence, yet the Buddhists believe the opposite. I have come to let go of so much in my life and I embrace "already broken" as much as I can. It's challenging and not the easiest thing to do, but perhaps the most freeing, in the end.

My broken beautiful Chinese dolls

Circumstances of my own life have taught me that I can treasure something that another can destroy in seconds. About thirty years ago, someone once broke every single thing I owned that they did not decide to keep for them self. These dolls were deliberately torn apart. I felt heart broken when I found them, knowing that person had wanted to do this to me. That person knew these dolls had been brought from China by my grandmother for me, even before I was born. Never much of a materialist, they were however, something I held dear. My grandmother had died when I was seventeen and I loved her very much. She understood and appreciated all things oriental and taught me a great deal about beauty. Her aesthetic sense was stunningly oriental.

While I let go of the very broken relationship, and everything else that had been destroyed, I kept these broken dolls that represent that whole time of my life. I find I treasure them all the more. From time to time I look at them and I think about all sorts of things. I do not need to keep them, but I do. I don't really hold on too hard to the memories, but sometimes it is an interesting reflection and reminder once again, of the Japanese principle Already Broken.

I am never too old to play with dolls

And converse with the wind

fin  

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per•ma•nent |ˈpərmənənt|

adjective

lasting or intended to last or remain unchanged indefinitely : a permanent ban on the dumping of radioactive waste at sea | damage was not thought to be permanent | some temporary workers did not want a permanent job.

• lasting or continuing without interruption : he's in a permanent state of rage.

Origin: late Middle English : from Latin permanent- ‘remaining to the end’ (perhaps via Old French), from per- ‘through’ + manere ‘remain.’

                                                                                                       

                                                                                                                                              ~ Computer dictionary

I am dedicating this entry to Sarah Darer, who lost her mother suddenly a few days ago, as did I many years ago. She wrote a beautiful Eulogy on her blog that moved me to tears and perpetuated this post.